Lately, I just can’t help wondering what it feels like. What it feels like to have your focus everyday in doing the things that matter to you. To not get bogged down by the minutiae. To be always be moving forward.
I’m not sure I’ll ever know what it feels like to be as successfulsuccessful as I’d like to be, to write a story as well as I know I can, we’re always face up to that deepest honesty.
I know what it feels like to fail. I know the crushing, so dredging pain of it. It winds its way around your soul and crushes you from future success.
I also know what it feels like to beat failure. To use it as a launching pad to something brighter, something better, something much more creative than I ever hoped to be. Whether these moments have been fleeting, momentary, or have lasted, I know what success can feel like.
I know what it feels like to want something better. To work, to fail, to succeed, and to still want. Yes, I do get tired. I do face not believing in myself. Overthinking wears me out. And anxiety holds me down. But I also know, the same moments, but it feels like to break free.
I don’t want to be rid of any of these feelings. I’d like to feel success more often, and imposter syndrome to fade away, but they are all a part of the same drive. Two sides of the same coin. The exquisite torture of creativity.